Messick 2016 - Change You Can Hear Jingling In Your Pocket

I have jokingly been told a few times recently that I am getting someone's write-in vote during the next election, based solely upon facebook status updates.  I, of course, laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of me as an elected official.  But then I got to thinking; I gotta get me a platform so these votes will be justified.  Thus I have created the MESSICK 2016 Platform.

Welfare and Social Assistance
Many of you are likely thinking that I am against all forms of the above programs.  You would be wrong.  The Messick Administration will provide these programs on a limited basis, provided recipients meet minimum requirements. 
1. Active and legitimate pursuit of gainful employment.  I understand that the job market is tough and not everyone can find work quickly.  However, it is pretty hard to justify receiving an unemployment payout if you are not actively trying to rectify that predicament.
2. MANDATORY DRUG TESTING.  You heard me, no expections.  And to those who say "But what if the parent fails the test and that prevents them from receiving the benefits they need to feed their children?"  I have a solution for that too.  If your priority if getting high instead of finding work, then we'll find someone who will take care of your kids until you can pull your head out of your ass.


Immigration
We will allow LEGAL immigration by those who wish to come to America and become productive citizens of this great country.  I personally work with many folks who are in the process of earning their legal citizenship, and they take pride in their efforts to go about this the legal and proper way.  But how will be structure this legal immigration process....I submit for your review the "Earn It and Learn It" program.
1. LEARN IT - Continued mandatory testing on the history and laws of the United States of America.  To truly appreciate the country you are coming to, you must understand how it came to be the way it is.
2. EARN IT - You desire to be a citizen of the United States of America and enjoy the freedoms that come along with that status?  Well then you have the opportunity to defend those freedoms just like those that have served to provide them for you.  Mandatory 2 year military service as a part of your immigration education.

Taxes
Put simply, if you make more then you will inevitably pay more.  But let's take a look at how we implement such a theory.  The off-shore tax shelters and "3-card monty" tax preparers are GONE and we all start playing from a level playing field.  One flat tax rate that applies to your income provides the foundation to tax everyone at the same rate, and still put more burden on those that make the most.  You are a millionaire and want a tax break...start a small business and add jobs to the economy.  Then we can talk tax break.  You want to get crafty and start hiding money off-shore or playing smoke-and-mirrors with those tax returns, then you just earned a double-tax penalty.  You tried to screw the system and make the rest of us pay your share and now you must pay for your indiscretion.

This concludes today's platform presentation.  I look forward to your feedback, discussion, laughter, hurling of rotten fruit, overreaction to my comments, genuine disgust for my overall existence, offers of campaign funding and complementary soup.  My name is Messick and I approved this post.