A Gold Medal In Awkward

The Olympics.  A shining beacon of international unity in which world class athletes gather to achieve feats of legendary proportion.  And then the Spice Girls come out and make it all better.

My limited attempts to watch and/or follow the Olympics have left me less than inspired to be patriotic or otherwise interested.  Baseball is no longer an Olympic sport, so that pretty much took me out of the demographic anyways.  But there were some interesting points......


(I'll probably get sued for using this picture)

- DONG DONG.  You moved me with your Gold Medal in trampoline.  How could an athlete with such a truly incredible name make themselves more interesting you may ask....by winning a gold medal in an event that my 7 year old niece could participate in.  How has Nike not signed this guy up for a multi-million dollar contract?  His name is freakin' DONG DONG.

- LOCHTE.  Apparently this name derives its origins from the Navajo word for OVERRATED.  Did you enjoy watching Michael Phelps make you his bitch again?  If you want to claim you are a badass, you generally need to win a medal or two on your own to back that up.  And don't give me that "he's cute" crap.  The dude choked in these Olympics harder than George Michael at a rest stop bathroom. 

- LOLO JONES.  Thanks for making Lochte look successful.  You had the media coverage of Michael Jordan and the achievements of Horace Grant. 

- CLOSING CEREMONIES.  Still in progress....but confusing nonetheless.  Apparently if you have ever claimed to be a famous person from England then you got invited to perform.  The unfortunate part is that all the real famous people passed so now I have to listen to Kaiser Chefs and other talentless ass-clowns slaughter classics.  Not to worry though, we got The Spice Girls to come out and show us all what plastic surgery has done for the world.  Kate Moss and Victoria Beckham probably shared a Triscuit backstage before the show.


So thank you Olympics 2012 for reminding us that we should be willing to give out medals for mind-numbing crap like ribbon twirling, handball, race walking, rubics cube and grocery bagging.  Thank you England for reminding us that no good music has come out of your country since the 1970's.  Thank you NBC for allowing me to view an event that took place 7 hours ago, even though NASA can get footage from Mars in less than 20 minutes.