Halftime Hitlist

The SUPERBOWL has arrived and once again we are all in for a "show" come halftime.  Madonna, yes Madonna, will be taking the stage.  Why?  No one really seems to know which network clown smoked a bad batch of weed and came up with this idea, but we are all destined to suffer through it.  Check out this sweet set list and tell me you are not super-stoked:

"Vogue" (Madonna)

"Music" (Madonna with LMFAO)

"Give Me All Your Luvin'" (Madonna with Nicki Minaj and M.I.A.)

"Like a Prayer" (Madonna with Cee Lo Green)

Now how could anyone not want to hear Nicki Minaj come out and rap like Forrest Gump with Tourette's Syndrome while Madonna flexes her 60 year old man-muscles?  M.I.A. and Cee Lo Green can battle for the title of "weirdest people on stage not in LMFAO)

With this year's inevitable "shitting of the bed" it inspired me to do a little research and locate the worst Superbowl Halftime Shows in recent history.  Sit back, grab a beer and remember all the good times you had mocking these nightmares.

2011 - The Black Eyed Peas  Fergie and the crew put on such a bad show that even Helen Keller would have wanted to change the channel.  Even Slash got in on the joke by running on stage just in time for Fergie to massacre Sweet Child of Mine.  The excuse everyone gave me was that the sound people messed up and that the sound system was bad.  They were in Dallas...at a BILLION DOLLAR stadium...I bet they had a pretty damn good sound system.

2004 - Janet Jackson, P. Diddy, Kid Rock, Nelly, Justin Timberlake  Now this one was pretty damn good until someone felt the need to pop out a nipple about 10 years after we all wanted to see it.  This is the reason we have had nothing by 1970's rockers and vanilla crap artists in the past 8 years.  I ask you this America....Is Janet Jackson's titty worth never seeing a new artist at the Superbowl?  Had that question been asked in 1994, then yes.  In 2004, NO. 

2003 - Shania Twain, Gwen Stefani, Sting  Where do I even start on this mash-up of crapioca pudding?  Shania Twain is about as qualified to do a Superbowl halftime show as Adam Lambert is to sing the national anthem at a UFC fight.  Gwen Stefani?  Hey Gwen, 1997 called and they want No Doubt back.  Sting is pretty solid alone, but not really the football crowd.  I honestly think there must have been a better option out there that was planned and they cancelled at the last minute.  One of the producers called their agent and said "Who can you get me in 3 hours for the Superbowl?"  Was Flock of Seagulls busy doing a reunion show at a Vegas casino that day?


I would love to have the opportunity to sit down with an NFL official and ask them what it would take to get someone like Keith Urban, The Foo Fighters, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kenny Chesney, Jimmy Buffett....or anyone else who is still relevant back onto the field at halftime.  How awesome would it be to actually look forward to the halftime show again?  How cool would it be to see Zac Brown Band come out and do a 5 song set while we all drank beer and made fun of Bill Belichick?  Why can't we let Beyonce do the show with her newborn in Bjorn carrier so she can exploit it a little more than she already has?  Why can't Taylor Swift come out and try to convince us all that she is still 16 years old and cute?  I vote we just say to hell with it all and let Poison come out and rip it up for 20
minutes.  Bret Michaels singing songs and making white trashy chicks want to throw on some acid wash jeans and tease up their bangs.  NOW THAT WOULD BE A DAMN HALFTIME SHOW!