Working Up A Sweat

The new year is upon us and the inevitable resolutions have taken place.  Lucky for me, many of those resolutions involved getting back into shape and joining a gym.  My usual exercise mecca has now become the headquarters for half-hearted push-ups and obvious violations of the natural code of gym conduct.  So let us review the do's and don'ts of working out to ensure that all of you, my loyal followers, do not end up the target of one of my posts.  Let us begin......

SPONSORED BY UNDER ARMOUR:  Unless you can say this is the case then you do not have to go out and buy all new workout clothes just to come run on a treadmill.  Your shoes, shorts, shirt, hat, water bottle, ipod...etc do not all have to match either.  If you show up to the gym looking like you just bought out the exercise section of Dicks Sporting Goods then it is gonna be pretty obvious that you are just getting started here kids.  And while we are on the subject of your attire.....COMPRESSION CLOTHING IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!  There are people in this world who should NEVER, EVER wear anything that clings to them.  Let's be real about this.  If you are 75lbs overweight do you really think that wearing stretchy pants is the best idea when you go run?  This applies to men and women.  And guys, if you cannot manage to complete 20 push-ups then you probably do not need to have on a weightlifting belt or a sleeveless t-shirt that you made yourself.  The reality is that all you need is a t-shirt and a pair of mesh shorts to get the job done. 

THE SOUND OF SILENCE:  If you are serious about getting into shape then follow this one small recommendation.....TURN OFF YOUR DAMN CELL PHONE AND DO SOME WORK.  No one wants to hear about your over-dramatic life while you stroll along on the treadmill at a whopping 2.0 mph.  Bluetooth makes you look like a jackass who is talking to themselves and there is no way you are doing any work if you are focused on whose baby-mama is hooking up with who.  The only electronics you need are a decent mp3 player to drown out the unbearable music that most gyms play.  You know the best part of mp3 players.....they play into headphones so only you hear your music.  Take that hint and STOP SINGING while you work out.  You are not Beyonce, Kelly Clarkson, Kanye West or anyone else that anyone at that gym wants to hear perform.  There is a reason there is not a karaoke machine at the gym, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING....EVER.

KEEP IT CLEAN:  If you are too lazy or worthless to wipe down equipment then never come to the gym.  No one wants to go sit in your funk after you get off the ab machine so grab a towel, spray the mysterious blue crap on it, and wipe it down.  It takes two seconds and keeps me from getting Mersa or some worse-a. (It rhymed, you loved it)  And keeping it clean does not just apply to the machines.  DO NOT under any circumstance whatsoever start yelling and/or cursing at the weights.  Everyone has seen that guy who feels the need to scream at the bench press and everyone knows he is a JACKASS.  "I just killed that shit yo.....I just killed it" translates to everyone else as "These steroids are making my nuts shrink like raisins and I need a hug". 

So enjoy your pursuit of physical fitness and better living.  I guarantee that a regular exercise regimen will improve your mood and your life.  Just remember that you have to abide by some basic rules as your work towards your goals and avoid being the person that ends up on this blog.

Let's get ready to SAM'S CLUB!!!!

Brooke and I made our first official shopping trip as fully enrolled members of the Sam's Club nation today.  Needless to say, this was a learning experience in the realm of social interactions.  There is no good way to describe my running commentary as we shuttled our double-wide shopping cart through the land of bulk supplies.  I can only share my observations in hopes that none of you fal victim to these same experiences.

FREE SAMPLES!  These two words are apparently the mating call for anyone who has forgotten what self control and weight control are.  The mere sight of a free chicken wing was enough to block a 12-foot aisle while 2 women with carts full of Diet Coke shoveled wings down their throats without chewing.  I am pretty sure at least one went and located a disguise to enable her to gather more wings as she prepared to hibernate for the winter.  And I had better never hear anyone who makes a freaking sprint to the free sample table turn around and explain that their weight problem is due to "glandular issues" or "emotional distress".  You just ran to get a free chicken wing and I have to believe that is the only running you have done lately.  Here is a newsflash friends.....just because something is free does not require that you act like a starving jackass to get it. Seriously. I mean this.

WE DON'T TAKE VISA CREDIT CARDS SIR.  In what third world country is a Visa Credit Card not accepted for the purchase of food, clothes, tires, small barnyard animals, dinosaur eggs, above-ground pools and/or dog food?  Luckily I happen to carry around a Mastercard for emergency situations or my $100 worth of goodies would have been left to be put back on the shelves by the nice cashier who apparently is in charge of yelling out everyone's weekend plans as they walk by.  Visa...the most common card issued in the United States is not accepted as Sam's Club?  WOW.

I GOTTA GET ME COME MAYONAISE.  Now I completely understand the thought process in buying bulk to cut costs.  Hell,  that is the entire reason that I signed up for a membership at Sam's Club in the first place.  I can get 5lbs. of ground beef for $12.  I can get 30 granola bars for $8.  These bargains make sense to me.  But why in the hell does anyone need a 5lb. tub of mayonaise?  Why?  And while we are on the subject of unhealthy indulgences or epic proportions....why is the already overweight 7 year old next to me pushing a cart full of 60-count doritos and 30 bags of Famous Amos cookies?  Chef Boyardee is not a real Chef.  Cheese Puffs do not contain real cheese.  Hawaiian Punch does not contain real fruit juice.  And if that is all you plan to feed your kid then I hope you like the husky section at Wal-Mart!  People....if you want to eat like  crap and make yourself unhealthy and miserable then have a call.  But please do not force your kids to eat this garbage when there are aisles literally filled with healthy alternatives like granola bars, fruit, vegetables and juices.  And don't tell me "My kid won't eat healthy food".  Your kid will eat whatever the hell you give them because they do not have a job or money and cannot buy their own groceries!

In closing...I hope to see you all during my next visit to Sam's Club.  I will be the guy in the football helmet trying to bounce from line to line in order to get checked out faster.  And if you happen to stop by there without me...pick up that 148 oz. jub of Ranch dressing for me.

Welcome to 2012 Mr. Messick

I learned a long ago that coming up with specific and drastic New Years Resolutions was a complete and total waste of time.  Studies show that over 80% of all New Years Resolutions are broken, so the numbers back up my thoughts.  However, I think that laying out a plan for how you can work to improve your life in the next 12 months is always a great practice.  What better way to make sure you stick to that plan than to post in on your blog so everyone can keep you in check?  So here is my plan for 2012 and beyond........

WORK:  2011 was a year of great nerves and uncertainty for everyone within my company.  When you are a part of the biggest merger in the history of the financial industry you never know what may come next.  In spite of all that, I was able to achieve being ranked within the top 10 bankers in the states of NC and SC.  After 5 years with my company I began to make a name for myself as a top performer and leader in my position.  Looking towards 2012 I have to take that to another level.  Ultimately I would like to move out of the retail banking side and into a more corporate setting to move my way up, but all that must come in time.  I am going to be more focused and more driven to lead by example and increase my competency as a financial service provider.

SOCIAL:  2012 is going to be a much dryer year as it pertains to the "fire water".  I am not making the claim that I will stop drinking and swear off alcohol forever, just slowing it down.  I have spent a good part of the last 29 years with a solid buzz and a light wallet and that time is winding down.  Ultimately this decision will probably be the best I make all year.

HEALTH:  My lifestyle and eating habits have really changed over the past 2 years in order to improve my health.  It seems that every health problem in the history of the world runs in my family and I have tried to head these off before they affect me.  High Blood Pressure, Heart Disease, respiratory problems, depression, alcoholism.....these are all things that I am predisposed to and that are a reality within my family.  I learned about 2 years ago just how serious blood pressure problems can be when my dad's doctors warned him that he was on a crash course with a heart attack.  Our eating habits and personalities mirror one another, so that was an eye-opening realization that I was likely on that same road.  I started a personal journey in 2010 to lose weight and improve my overall health.  30 pounds later I am in a much better place physically and mentally.  Building upon that base to bring my health to an even higher level is a huge focus moving forward. 

FAMILY:  I saved this one for last because it is THE MOST IMPORTANT on the list.  In 2012 I get the immense honor of carrying on the Messick family name.   I take on this responsibility with a lot of pride and excitement.  Bringing my son into this family is undoubtedly going to be the best day of my life and I cannot wait for April.  My only hope is that I am able to live up to the example set by my parents and to be half the parent that I know my wife will be.  Little Easton has no idea how much love he will find within the friendly confines of the Messick family.  A phenomenal Aunt & Uncle, cousins that will be his best friends, grandparents that will spoil him rotten every minute of every day, and parents that will drop everything else in their world to make sure he is happy and safe. 

2012 is set to be the BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE.  Bring it on.