How Could This Happen?

For the past 4 days I have been haunted by the stories from Newtown, Connecticut in the wake of an unspeakable tragedy.  I am usually able to watch news reports on just about any story and intellectualize them as "this is just what our society has come" and move on.  This time has been very different for me.  This time I am unable to begin to comprehend the idea that anyone could walk into a school filled with children and begin to take their lives without any warning or reason.  This time I cannot fathom the act of having to hide children in closets and then face off with an armed madman to spare their lives.  For quite possibly the first time in my life, I am completely and utterly without a clue as to how this could happen in our country.  How do you write a eulogy for a 6 year old?  How do you explain to a 6 year old that their friends and teachers can't come back because a bad man came to school?

This situation has taken me back to the years when I worked in child care and was entrusted with the lives of children by our campers' parents.  Every morning they would drop their children off at our uptown camp and never think twice about them being there safe and sound at 5:30 when they returned.  We literally walked these kids around uptown Charlotte every single day.  They were not in a controlled environment with doors and desks.  Regardless, I do not believe I ever truly had a day when I felt that there was any less than a 100% chance that every child placed into my care would be there at 5:30 to go home with their parents.  Now I get chills when I think back and realize just how easily all of that could have been different.  One distracted driver.  One angry bank employee that wished to exact revenge in an uptown building.  One disturbed individual with no thought for human life.  All of that could have changed.

I think about my son, my niece, my nephew, all of the children on the Christmas cards that I have received in the past 2 weeks.  All of us has reached an age where we get up daily and take our kids somewhere while we go and earn the almighty dollar.  We have all studied the available daycares and schools, inspected them to ensure they are safe, met every teacher to make sure we have a trust in our hearts that they will do whatever it takes to keep them safe.  But now, all of the sudden, none of that seems like enough.  I have realized that we are all at the mercy of fate, or God, or others, or whatever.  It seems that all we can do is take a moment and hope with all that we have that our little miracles will be there when we come back.

Some of you may be reading this post and thinking that there is no point to it.  And in all honesty, there may not be one.  All this may be is a small attempt to rationalize what has happened.  Maybe it is just an attempt to put all of those thoughts and feelings into something that attempts to make sense of them.  I really don't know.  I am not sure any of us feel that we understand things the same way we did 4 days ago.  If nothing else, let this be a small reminder that we all should appreciate the moments that we have with the ones that matter.  Perhaps that is all we can take from this whole nightmare.

Messick 2016 - Change You Can Hear Jingling In Your Pocket

I have jokingly been told a few times recently that I am getting someone's write-in vote during the next election, based solely upon facebook status updates.  I, of course, laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of me as an elected official.  But then I got to thinking; I gotta get me a platform so these votes will be justified.  Thus I have created the MESSICK 2016 Platform.

Welfare and Social Assistance
Many of you are likely thinking that I am against all forms of the above programs.  You would be wrong.  The Messick Administration will provide these programs on a limited basis, provided recipients meet minimum requirements. 
1. Active and legitimate pursuit of gainful employment.  I understand that the job market is tough and not everyone can find work quickly.  However, it is pretty hard to justify receiving an unemployment payout if you are not actively trying to rectify that predicament.
2. MANDATORY DRUG TESTING.  You heard me, no expections.  And to those who say "But what if the parent fails the test and that prevents them from receiving the benefits they need to feed their children?"  I have a solution for that too.  If your priority if getting high instead of finding work, then we'll find someone who will take care of your kids until you can pull your head out of your ass.


Immigration
We will allow LEGAL immigration by those who wish to come to America and become productive citizens of this great country.  I personally work with many folks who are in the process of earning their legal citizenship, and they take pride in their efforts to go about this the legal and proper way.  But how will be structure this legal immigration process....I submit for your review the "Earn It and Learn It" program.
1. LEARN IT - Continued mandatory testing on the history and laws of the United States of America.  To truly appreciate the country you are coming to, you must understand how it came to be the way it is.
2. EARN IT - You desire to be a citizen of the United States of America and enjoy the freedoms that come along with that status?  Well then you have the opportunity to defend those freedoms just like those that have served to provide them for you.  Mandatory 2 year military service as a part of your immigration education.

Taxes
Put simply, if you make more then you will inevitably pay more.  But let's take a look at how we implement such a theory.  The off-shore tax shelters and "3-card monty" tax preparers are GONE and we all start playing from a level playing field.  One flat tax rate that applies to your income provides the foundation to tax everyone at the same rate, and still put more burden on those that make the most.  You are a millionaire and want a tax break...start a small business and add jobs to the economy.  Then we can talk tax break.  You want to get crafty and start hiding money off-shore or playing smoke-and-mirrors with those tax returns, then you just earned a double-tax penalty.  You tried to screw the system and make the rest of us pay your share and now you must pay for your indiscretion.

This concludes today's platform presentation.  I look forward to your feedback, discussion, laughter, hurling of rotten fruit, overreaction to my comments, genuine disgust for my overall existence, offers of campaign funding and complementary soup.  My name is Messick and I approved this post.

Lessons In Life

This will undoubtedly be a departure from the usual witty banter you have become accustomed to on this blog.  My apologies in advance for taking a short detour down the path of serious.  I promise to be back to the art of literary entertainment in the near future.

My impending journey into the world of my 30's, coupled with recent events in my personal life, have led me to believe I should share a few lessons in life that I have learned over my seemingly brief 29 years.  My hope is that this comes off as suggestions for finding a little happiness and balance, and not a preachy ramble.

RESPECT YOUR PARENTS.  Ask anyone who has lost a parent and they will immediately remind you of the treasure that a supportive parent can be.  Good or bad, your parents will teach you more about living than anyone else you will meet throughout your life.  If there is one group of people that will always be there to affirm that you can achieve more than you ever though, it is your parents.  Understand that they will often make absolutely no sense when they are attempting to teach you something because you are still too young and simple to understand the underlying meaning.

RESPECT YOUR CHILDREN.  I see far too many people who treat their children as a burden or a personal servant.  If you did not want kids, then you likely could have avoided that situation by simply exercising some self control.  But since you have kids, why not try and make the best of it and mold them into someone you will be proud of.  Remember that your children will hold you in the highest regard even when you falter.  Be humble enough to admit your mistakes to your children and use those opportunities to pass along a lesson they cannot learn from any book.

ACCOUNTABILITY AND PUNCTUALITY ARE PARAMOUNT.  No person will go through life without making a mistake.  None.  The true test in life is if you are willing to take responsibility and use your mistakes as the next foothole in your path of growth.  Whether they say it or not, people notice and respect those that choose not to blame others or shrug off accountability for their actions.  If you say you are going to be somewhere at noon and you plan to complete a certain task; show up at 11:45 and work until that task is completed.  Take pride in your work and your accomplishments.  There are few better feelings than the knowledge that you have done a true day's work to the best of your ability.

USE YOUR ENERGY TO MAKE YOURSELF AND THOSE AROUND YOU HAPPY.  Notice that I said YOURSELF first on that one.  Without first making yourself a happy and content person, you cannot hope to make those around you happy.  Focus your time on finding the things that make you smile and then make them your priority.  I joked with someone the other day that I have the skill to find the good in almost anything, hence I have been a Chicago Cubs fan for many years.  Don't waste your time dwelling on the negative aspects of life.  Recognize them.  Acknowledge them.  Distance yourself from them.  To me, the absolute best thing you can do in any given day is make someone laugh.  Make them smile.  Make a minute of their day a little more entertaining and a little more fun.  You can never underestimate how much that one laugh or smile may mean to them on that particular day.

So those are a few quick suggestions from a normal guy just trying to make it through this ridiculous journey of life.  Nothing too major.  Nothing too heavy.  Just some small pieces of knowledge that might bring a little more good into your day.  Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me to continue this blog and who has expressed their appreciation for my random Facebook statuses and Tweets.  I hope you get a laugh every once in a while at my expense.  Just do me one favor.....PASS THAT LAUGH ON EVERY DAY.

A Gold Medal In Awkward

The Olympics.  A shining beacon of international unity in which world class athletes gather to achieve feats of legendary proportion.  And then the Spice Girls come out and make it all better.

My limited attempts to watch and/or follow the Olympics have left me less than inspired to be patriotic or otherwise interested.  Baseball is no longer an Olympic sport, so that pretty much took me out of the demographic anyways.  But there were some interesting points......


(I'll probably get sued for using this picture)

- DONG DONG.  You moved me with your Gold Medal in trampoline.  How could an athlete with such a truly incredible name make themselves more interesting you may ask....by winning a gold medal in an event that my 7 year old niece could participate in.  How has Nike not signed this guy up for a multi-million dollar contract?  His name is freakin' DONG DONG.

- LOCHTE.  Apparently this name derives its origins from the Navajo word for OVERRATED.  Did you enjoy watching Michael Phelps make you his bitch again?  If you want to claim you are a badass, you generally need to win a medal or two on your own to back that up.  And don't give me that "he's cute" crap.  The dude choked in these Olympics harder than George Michael at a rest stop bathroom. 

- LOLO JONES.  Thanks for making Lochte look successful.  You had the media coverage of Michael Jordan and the achievements of Horace Grant. 

- CLOSING CEREMONIES.  Still in progress....but confusing nonetheless.  Apparently if you have ever claimed to be a famous person from England then you got invited to perform.  The unfortunate part is that all the real famous people passed so now I have to listen to Kaiser Chefs and other talentless ass-clowns slaughter classics.  Not to worry though, we got The Spice Girls to come out and show us all what plastic surgery has done for the world.  Kate Moss and Victoria Beckham probably shared a Triscuit backstage before the show.


So thank you Olympics 2012 for reminding us that we should be willing to give out medals for mind-numbing crap like ribbon twirling, handball, race walking, rubics cube and grocery bagging.  Thank you England for reminding us that no good music has come out of your country since the 1970's.  Thank you NBC for allowing me to view an event that took place 7 hours ago, even though NASA can get footage from Mars in less than 20 minutes. 

Halftime Hitlist

The SUPERBOWL has arrived and once again we are all in for a "show" come halftime.  Madonna, yes Madonna, will be taking the stage.  Why?  No one really seems to know which network clown smoked a bad batch of weed and came up with this idea, but we are all destined to suffer through it.  Check out this sweet set list and tell me you are not super-stoked:

"Vogue" (Madonna)

"Music" (Madonna with LMFAO)

"Give Me All Your Luvin'" (Madonna with Nicki Minaj and M.I.A.)

"Like a Prayer" (Madonna with Cee Lo Green)

Now how could anyone not want to hear Nicki Minaj come out and rap like Forrest Gump with Tourette's Syndrome while Madonna flexes her 60 year old man-muscles?  M.I.A. and Cee Lo Green can battle for the title of "weirdest people on stage not in LMFAO)

With this year's inevitable "shitting of the bed" it inspired me to do a little research and locate the worst Superbowl Halftime Shows in recent history.  Sit back, grab a beer and remember all the good times you had mocking these nightmares.

2011 - The Black Eyed Peas  Fergie and the crew put on such a bad show that even Helen Keller would have wanted to change the channel.  Even Slash got in on the joke by running on stage just in time for Fergie to massacre Sweet Child of Mine.  The excuse everyone gave me was that the sound people messed up and that the sound system was bad.  They were in Dallas...at a BILLION DOLLAR stadium...I bet they had a pretty damn good sound system.

2004 - Janet Jackson, P. Diddy, Kid Rock, Nelly, Justin Timberlake  Now this one was pretty damn good until someone felt the need to pop out a nipple about 10 years after we all wanted to see it.  This is the reason we have had nothing by 1970's rockers and vanilla crap artists in the past 8 years.  I ask you this America....Is Janet Jackson's titty worth never seeing a new artist at the Superbowl?  Had that question been asked in 1994, then yes.  In 2004, NO. 

2003 - Shania Twain, Gwen Stefani, Sting  Where do I even start on this mash-up of crapioca pudding?  Shania Twain is about as qualified to do a Superbowl halftime show as Adam Lambert is to sing the national anthem at a UFC fight.  Gwen Stefani?  Hey Gwen, 1997 called and they want No Doubt back.  Sting is pretty solid alone, but not really the football crowd.  I honestly think there must have been a better option out there that was planned and they cancelled at the last minute.  One of the producers called their agent and said "Who can you get me in 3 hours for the Superbowl?"  Was Flock of Seagulls busy doing a reunion show at a Vegas casino that day?


I would love to have the opportunity to sit down with an NFL official and ask them what it would take to get someone like Keith Urban, The Foo Fighters, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kenny Chesney, Jimmy Buffett....or anyone else who is still relevant back onto the field at halftime.  How awesome would it be to actually look forward to the halftime show again?  How cool would it be to see Zac Brown Band come out and do a 5 song set while we all drank beer and made fun of Bill Belichick?  Why can't we let Beyonce do the show with her newborn in Bjorn carrier so she can exploit it a little more than she already has?  Why can't Taylor Swift come out and try to convince us all that she is still 16 years old and cute?  I vote we just say to hell with it all and let Poison come out and rip it up for 20
minutes.  Bret Michaels singing songs and making white trashy chicks want to throw on some acid wash jeans and tease up their bangs.  NOW THAT WOULD BE A DAMN HALFTIME SHOW!

Working Up A Sweat

The new year is upon us and the inevitable resolutions have taken place.  Lucky for me, many of those resolutions involved getting back into shape and joining a gym.  My usual exercise mecca has now become the headquarters for half-hearted push-ups and obvious violations of the natural code of gym conduct.  So let us review the do's and don'ts of working out to ensure that all of you, my loyal followers, do not end up the target of one of my posts.  Let us begin......

SPONSORED BY UNDER ARMOUR:  Unless you can say this is the case then you do not have to go out and buy all new workout clothes just to come run on a treadmill.  Your shoes, shorts, shirt, hat, water bottle, ipod...etc do not all have to match either.  If you show up to the gym looking like you just bought out the exercise section of Dicks Sporting Goods then it is gonna be pretty obvious that you are just getting started here kids.  And while we are on the subject of your attire.....COMPRESSION CLOTHING IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!  There are people in this world who should NEVER, EVER wear anything that clings to them.  Let's be real about this.  If you are 75lbs overweight do you really think that wearing stretchy pants is the best idea when you go run?  This applies to men and women.  And guys, if you cannot manage to complete 20 push-ups then you probably do not need to have on a weightlifting belt or a sleeveless t-shirt that you made yourself.  The reality is that all you need is a t-shirt and a pair of mesh shorts to get the job done. 

THE SOUND OF SILENCE:  If you are serious about getting into shape then follow this one small recommendation.....TURN OFF YOUR DAMN CELL PHONE AND DO SOME WORK.  No one wants to hear about your over-dramatic life while you stroll along on the treadmill at a whopping 2.0 mph.  Bluetooth makes you look like a jackass who is talking to themselves and there is no way you are doing any work if you are focused on whose baby-mama is hooking up with who.  The only electronics you need are a decent mp3 player to drown out the unbearable music that most gyms play.  You know the best part of mp3 players.....they play into headphones so only you hear your music.  Take that hint and STOP SINGING while you work out.  You are not Beyonce, Kelly Clarkson, Kanye West or anyone else that anyone at that gym wants to hear perform.  There is a reason there is not a karaoke machine at the gym, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING....EVER.

KEEP IT CLEAN:  If you are too lazy or worthless to wipe down equipment then never come to the gym.  No one wants to go sit in your funk after you get off the ab machine so grab a towel, spray the mysterious blue crap on it, and wipe it down.  It takes two seconds and keeps me from getting Mersa or some worse-a. (It rhymed, you loved it)  And keeping it clean does not just apply to the machines.  DO NOT under any circumstance whatsoever start yelling and/or cursing at the weights.  Everyone has seen that guy who feels the need to scream at the bench press and everyone knows he is a JACKASS.  "I just killed that shit yo.....I just killed it" translates to everyone else as "These steroids are making my nuts shrink like raisins and I need a hug". 

So enjoy your pursuit of physical fitness and better living.  I guarantee that a regular exercise regimen will improve your mood and your life.  Just remember that you have to abide by some basic rules as your work towards your goals and avoid being the person that ends up on this blog.

Let's get ready to SAM'S CLUB!!!!

Brooke and I made our first official shopping trip as fully enrolled members of the Sam's Club nation today.  Needless to say, this was a learning experience in the realm of social interactions.  There is no good way to describe my running commentary as we shuttled our double-wide shopping cart through the land of bulk supplies.  I can only share my observations in hopes that none of you fal victim to these same experiences.

FREE SAMPLES!  These two words are apparently the mating call for anyone who has forgotten what self control and weight control are.  The mere sight of a free chicken wing was enough to block a 12-foot aisle while 2 women with carts full of Diet Coke shoveled wings down their throats without chewing.  I am pretty sure at least one went and located a disguise to enable her to gather more wings as she prepared to hibernate for the winter.  And I had better never hear anyone who makes a freaking sprint to the free sample table turn around and explain that their weight problem is due to "glandular issues" or "emotional distress".  You just ran to get a free chicken wing and I have to believe that is the only running you have done lately.  Here is a newsflash friends.....just because something is free does not require that you act like a starving jackass to get it. Seriously. I mean this.

WE DON'T TAKE VISA CREDIT CARDS SIR.  In what third world country is a Visa Credit Card not accepted for the purchase of food, clothes, tires, small barnyard animals, dinosaur eggs, above-ground pools and/or dog food?  Luckily I happen to carry around a Mastercard for emergency situations or my $100 worth of goodies would have been left to be put back on the shelves by the nice cashier who apparently is in charge of yelling out everyone's weekend plans as they walk by.  Visa...the most common card issued in the United States is not accepted as Sam's Club?  WOW.

I GOTTA GET ME COME MAYONAISE.  Now I completely understand the thought process in buying bulk to cut costs.  Hell,  that is the entire reason that I signed up for a membership at Sam's Club in the first place.  I can get 5lbs. of ground beef for $12.  I can get 30 granola bars for $8.  These bargains make sense to me.  But why in the hell does anyone need a 5lb. tub of mayonaise?  Why?  And while we are on the subject of unhealthy indulgences or epic proportions....why is the already overweight 7 year old next to me pushing a cart full of 60-count doritos and 30 bags of Famous Amos cookies?  Chef Boyardee is not a real Chef.  Cheese Puffs do not contain real cheese.  Hawaiian Punch does not contain real fruit juice.  And if that is all you plan to feed your kid then I hope you like the husky section at Wal-Mart!  People....if you want to eat like  crap and make yourself unhealthy and miserable then have a call.  But please do not force your kids to eat this garbage when there are aisles literally filled with healthy alternatives like granola bars, fruit, vegetables and juices.  And don't tell me "My kid won't eat healthy food".  Your kid will eat whatever the hell you give them because they do not have a job or money and cannot buy their own groceries!

In closing...I hope to see you all during my next visit to Sam's Club.  I will be the guy in the football helmet trying to bounce from line to line in order to get checked out faster.  And if you happen to stop by there without me...pick up that 148 oz. jub of Ranch dressing for me.

Welcome to 2012 Mr. Messick

I learned a long ago that coming up with specific and drastic New Years Resolutions was a complete and total waste of time.  Studies show that over 80% of all New Years Resolutions are broken, so the numbers back up my thoughts.  However, I think that laying out a plan for how you can work to improve your life in the next 12 months is always a great practice.  What better way to make sure you stick to that plan than to post in on your blog so everyone can keep you in check?  So here is my plan for 2012 and beyond........

WORK:  2011 was a year of great nerves and uncertainty for everyone within my company.  When you are a part of the biggest merger in the history of the financial industry you never know what may come next.  In spite of all that, I was able to achieve being ranked within the top 10 bankers in the states of NC and SC.  After 5 years with my company I began to make a name for myself as a top performer and leader in my position.  Looking towards 2012 I have to take that to another level.  Ultimately I would like to move out of the retail banking side and into a more corporate setting to move my way up, but all that must come in time.  I am going to be more focused and more driven to lead by example and increase my competency as a financial service provider.

SOCIAL:  2012 is going to be a much dryer year as it pertains to the "fire water".  I am not making the claim that I will stop drinking and swear off alcohol forever, just slowing it down.  I have spent a good part of the last 29 years with a solid buzz and a light wallet and that time is winding down.  Ultimately this decision will probably be the best I make all year.

HEALTH:  My lifestyle and eating habits have really changed over the past 2 years in order to improve my health.  It seems that every health problem in the history of the world runs in my family and I have tried to head these off before they affect me.  High Blood Pressure, Heart Disease, respiratory problems, depression, alcoholism.....these are all things that I am predisposed to and that are a reality within my family.  I learned about 2 years ago just how serious blood pressure problems can be when my dad's doctors warned him that he was on a crash course with a heart attack.  Our eating habits and personalities mirror one another, so that was an eye-opening realization that I was likely on that same road.  I started a personal journey in 2010 to lose weight and improve my overall health.  30 pounds later I am in a much better place physically and mentally.  Building upon that base to bring my health to an even higher level is a huge focus moving forward. 

FAMILY:  I saved this one for last because it is THE MOST IMPORTANT on the list.  In 2012 I get the immense honor of carrying on the Messick family name.   I take on this responsibility with a lot of pride and excitement.  Bringing my son into this family is undoubtedly going to be the best day of my life and I cannot wait for April.  My only hope is that I am able to live up to the example set by my parents and to be half the parent that I know my wife will be.  Little Easton has no idea how much love he will find within the friendly confines of the Messick family.  A phenomenal Aunt & Uncle, cousins that will be his best friends, grandparents that will spoil him rotten every minute of every day, and parents that will drop everything else in their world to make sure he is happy and safe. 

2012 is set to be the BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE.  Bring it on.